Long time, no posts.

Here’s the deal – last week I got busy and basically had better shit to do than type on this dumb-ass blog.

The past 72 hours, I’ve been detoxing.

I’ve not had a smoke in almost 3 full days. (for the love of God, please don’t post comments trying to congratulate me or offer support – if you do, I’ll kick a puppy, punch a baby and then start smoking again…for real)

I’m really doing more than ok with the physical nicotine withdrawal symptoms. Aside from a general ‘haziness’ or lack of focus, I’m not too bad. What’s really killing me is the habitual situations where I’d normally have a cigarette. One of the worst is sitting in front of the computer. I never realized how often I’d crack open the sliding glass door, stand-up to get off my ass and smoke.

Mmmmm….sweet mistress nicotine….

It’s the little triggers like that that are making it hard. I find it physically difficult to sit here and continue typing now that I’m really thinking about it. Another tough one is talking on the phone. Without fail, a phone call = a cigarette.

Anyway, I’m closing in on 72 hours and doing surprisingly well for my first ever real attempt at stopping. Next month would be 10 years for me and it just seemed like a good time to try.

I’ve tried reading some stuff to motivate me, but it’s all asinine stuff like thinking about how much money you’ll save. Pffft! Whatever.

The truth is I’m quitting (or trying to) because everybody else wants me to. I have no desire to quit at all – I don’t feel like shit, I don’t need the money, I don’t care if I stink. None of that. Just another case of giving into the man. It’s funny how many little fights I don’t give a shit about anymore. It’s just easier to roll over and play along.

I guess that’s it – a collection of random thoughts on the subject. I’m far from past it. Just sitting here typing this has made me really crave a smoke. Normally, I’d type something like this and step outside enjoying the cool night air and contributing to the Lord Gonchar Lung Cancer Drive. Now I’m just going to walk away from the computer and plop my ass in front of the TV, maybe eat something sweet (did I mention I’ve tacked on almost 4 pounds in those 3 days?) – and wait for it to pass.

I don’t know how long it will take to get past all of that. Some say a few days, some say it never truly passes. I’ll give it a little longer, but if I still feel this way in a couple of days, I’m heading over to Speedway and buying some Marlboros. Fuck it.