The people that live to the left side of us (stage left – well, kinda perpendicular, really, because of how the houses sit on the end of the cul-de-sac) are an old couple that have lived here since our little group of houses were built. They’re the last original owners here. They’re also the ones we like the least – for no reason other than you can tell they expect us to be all neighborly and invite them to dinner and always stop to talk and crap like that. Very old school. We always suspected it and then one day the old woman stopped by and talked to my wife and pretty much confirmed those expectations in the course of conversation. Of course, they get nothing more than a quick wave if we happen to leave while they’re out or vice versa.

So anyway, today I leave to pick up my son from school and the entire circle of the cul-de-sac is line with cars. The old people’s driveway is also filled to the hilt with cars. No biggie except that I did notice that one was parked directly in front of our mailbox. Again, no biggie, but I was curious as to what would happen if the maillady came (in her little mail van) and had to deliver our mail before they left.

Well, when I went out to get the mail a few minutes ago, I found out:

That was stuck to my pile of mail. It’s a sticky like a post-it. Just rip one off and stick it where necessary.

I can tell you where I’d like to stick it.

In fact, I think I will take it over and stick it on (in?) the old people’s mailbox. Which is on our property anyway, but that’s a whole different story.

Consider it a pet peeve, but nothing bugs me more than taking the shit for something that I didn’t do – even something as silly as a reminder from the USPS when some other fuckwad blocks my mailbox with their car because their blotchy, vein-covered, octogenarian legs won’t carry them the extra 7 feet it’s gonna take to pull past my mailbox. Suck a cock, grandma!

There. I’m done. I feel better.

I’m still sticking the post-it in their mailbox though.

All of the houses on our little cul-de-sac have those brick pillar mailbox thingies. Like no one’s mailbox is just on a pole. Everyone has a little brick structure with their mailbox in it. You know what I mean.

Well, in the typical fashion of the last owners, our mailbox is crap and hasn’t been cared for years. Not the brick structure, mind you, but the mailbox itself that’s set into the pillar. In fact, the neighbor girl that plays with my daughter told us the story of how her dad helped the old owners rebuild the brick structure after their kid hit it with the car. But what they appear to have done is cram a cheap plastic mailbox into this thing and then mortar around it so that the only way to remove the actrual mailbox and replace it is to start to deconstruct the entire brick pillar.

So that’s a pain in the ass waiting to happen, but it needs to because the door of the mailbox is flimsy and the flag doesn’t stay up and it’s just a shitty cheap mailbox.

But none of that has anything to do with the story other than establishing the scene.

When spring rolled around there was this wasp that would greet me everyday (and by greet I mean “try to sting me while menacingly posturing”) when I got the mail. He was trying to build a hive, but each day I’d knock it out. The next day he’d go nuts on me and I’d knock the tiny start of a hive off the inside-top of the mailbox. After a week or two he moved out. Slumlord 1. Tenants 0.

Not too long after that, I reached in to grab the mail and was greeted by a big hairy spider sitting on top of the mail. I pulled my arms in tight and cluched my fists just below my chin and stomped quickly while going, “Ewwwwwww!” like any good little girl would do. Then I grabbed my mail and shook him off onto the ground. This continued for just two or three days before he got the hint. Slumlord 2. Tenants 0.

So at the end of last week – Friday, I think. I noticed a couple of Earwigs scurrying about when I pull the mail from the box. I tried to use the mail to scoot them out, but really did a half-assed job and moved on. On Saturday, there were more and I did a little better at moving them out. Yesterday there were a bunch and I was grossed out and just let them be. Not a fan of Earwigs.

So today I’m bored and feeling froggy and I go out to check the mail and the fucking things are just swarming everywhere. I grabbed the mail and a bunch fell out. I tried to look in, but the bright sun and a dark mailbox just leaves me squinting like a tool into my mailbox. I grabbed a rag from the garage and started forcing them onto the ground from their deluxe apartment in the sky. After I got all I could see out, I bent down and squited in for a few moments and let my eyes adjust and saw a couple of masses of the bugs gathered in each of the back corners. My rag and sausage fingers weren’t getting the job done so I grabbed a stick and prodded into my mailbox exactly like a chimp uses a stick to get termites from their mound to eat. (I know you’ve seen the footage on Discovery or Animal Planet or somewhere)

I think I got them all, but they scurried all around and some might have been hiding along the top (the top inside of the mailbox has ridges for some reason). I suspect there’ll be even more tomorrow. I think I just need to get a new mailbox and rip the old one out and clean things up and spray all around and put it back together. Unfortunately, that’s gonna happen later than sooner. Until then, I look forward to my daily interaction with my unwanted tenants.

The weather here this week has been thick. You know that hot, sultry summer feeling when it’s in the 80’s and you’re moments away from a big storm and it’s sticky and thick and just ‘ugh’ and you can’t wait for the storm to break the sky open and let some fresh air into your life?

That’s how it’s been here for a week.

So last weekend I got the A/C running and the house felt awesome in comparison to the oppression outside as I slaved away with my shovel.

Then Sunday night just before midnight, I noticed it was getting a little muggy in here. The air was still blowing in the house, but it was thickening up. I checked the thermostat and it showed the temperature rising. I investigated and found that the outside unit wasn’t running. The furnace and crap in the basement was working just fine, but the actual A/C unit at the side of the house had stopped. No matter what I did, I could get it going again.

I tried again Monday morning to no avail and we suffered through a sticky day and sucky-ass night for sleeping. On Tuesday morning I got up with the kids to get them to school and the house was so stuffy (even with windows open and fans running) that I just had to try something. I went to the thermostat and kicked it on.

The outside unit jumped to attention and cold air began flooding the house with relief.

Around noon, I noticed the same thickness setting in even though the furnace was still blowing. The outside unit had shut down again.

This got me wondering whether it ran a certain amount of time and just died or whether it ran just fine until it kicked off and then wouldn’t kick on again. I tried all day and into the night, but we suffered through another restless night with the humid air making it generally suck to be in bed.

We called this morning to have someone look at it, but they can’t get here until Friday.

Around noon today in a last ditch attempt at some comfort, I tried turning the A/C on again…

…the fucking outside unit spun into action and cold air filled the house again. This time I vowed not to turn it off and set the thermostat to it’s lowest setting.

Finally around 9:30 this evening we just couldn’t take it anymore (yes, I let the A/C run for 9 hours staright). It was down to like 65 in here (a cold, A/C 65 – not a sweet spring day 65) and I moved the thermostat back to 70, effectively turning off the system. A little while later when the temperature rose enough to trigger the cooling to turn back on…

…nothing. Just the furnace blowing unconditioned air.

So now I know that turning it off once it’s running stops it from turning back on for a period of time (right now that period seems to be about 24 hours), but why the hell would that happen? I’ve looked up more A/C info than I ever care to read again and found nothing. I’d rather find some easy fix myself than pay for someone to come out and do some simple-ass thing and make it run correctly again.

As I type this it’s back up to 70/71 in here and starting to feel a little like the thickness is creeping back in. The weatherman said the suckiness is going to break with big storms on (you guessed it!) Friday morning!

We’ve had such a run of fucked up little annoyances since moving in here that it’s making me wonder if the house was built on an ancient indian burial ground and it’s just a matter of days before my kids are sitting in front of a static filled TV screen announcing, “They’re here…”

So, I’m going to keep trying to get the unit to kick back on, but if my observations are correct to this point, it should be until tomorrow evening before it does.

It makes no fucking sense…