I never really had any issue with my weight until very recently – as in the past 5 years…and even then, well…

When I graduated back in 1991 I was on the lower end of things for my height. Not underweight, but if you buy into the BMI thing, it was on the low/mid end. My graduation weight was X. That’s the baseline. For the record, I have no desire to ever weigh X again. I don’t think I need to.

I generally held that weight for a few years until it started creeping up towards the mid 90′s. When I wrestled (1996/1997) I was up to X+14 pounds give or take. It was a good weight for me. I think I looked best right around there even if it put me right at the edge of what a ‘healthy’ BMI is.

I kept at that weight until we moved to Florida (1999) and I settled a little and let the pounds slowly creep on. By the time we left Florida and went to Allentown (2002) I had put on another 13. At this point I was X+27. This is the first time I noticed my weight in a really negative way, but I still didn’t do anything. During our time in Allentown I put on roughly another 10.

When we moved back to Western PA (2004) I was now at X+37. We hit what I call a “comfortable phase” there where things got pretty cozy in life. We were doing well and I got a bit lazy and indulgent. By spring 2006 I had tacked on another 16 pounds. It was at this point (X+53) that I made a conscious effort to change things.

I got motivated, changed some habits and had dropped 12 pounds by BeastBuzz 2006 in June. I kept it up through the summer and by fall 2006 was down another 10. At this point I was at X+31. Pretty close to my Allentown weight. The holidays hit and I slacked and never really kept up after that. Over the course of 2007 I put about 10 back on. (X+41)

Then we decided to quit smoking in January 2008. At that point I was weighing X+41.

Needless to say, stopping smoking turned into starting eating. Couple that with another “comfortable phase” and it was the perfect storm. I was even heavier than the first peak. I put on almost 25 pounds in a little over a year. By winter 2009 I was X+63. Right!? 63 pounds heavier at the end of my second 18 years than I was at the end of my first 18.

I hovered around that weight (give or take a few pounds) for all of 2009. In fact, I think I’m right around X+60 in this video.

So after a year of generally feeling like shit, I finally said, “Time to do it right” and on February 22, 2010 I started making the effort again. On that day I weighed X+59. My first goal was to lose the smoking weight.

As of yesterday, I’ve lost 20 pounds and currently sit at X+39 – my pre-quitting weight. I’ve dropped 4 1/2 inches from my waist in that time.

My next goal to shoot for is another dozen pounds which would put me at my Allentown weight from almost a decade ago. That would be X+27 and would be a couple of pounds lower than when I lost the weight the first time in 2006. (it was actually my goal back then, but I missed it by a few before I slipped)

Assuming I keep motivated, my ultimate goal is to drop another 10 or 12 after that and close in on that wrestling weight from the mid/late 90′s. I’d be prefectly content with something in the X+17 range give or take a few pounds. I see no reason to go lower than that. Who knows, ask me again if/when I get there.

So yeah, I’m feeling pretty good about heading in the right direction again.

And as for the more hair thing – It’s been almost 6 months since I’ve had a haircut. Not really sure where that’s headed, but…

If you’re curious, go back to that video and subtract 20 pounds and add 6 months of hair growth and that’s what I look like now…

…like a thinner, hairier cock.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

That’ll teach those fuckers…

…yeah, I’d knock that kid stupid.

This is the time of year we tend to get saddled with our share of gift baskets, but not from friends and family who are too lazy to take the time for a more thoughtful gift (guilty), but mostly from Jamie’s various work relationships.

We got the first one today from the County CVB (yep, I’m doing someone on the board of the CVB – or something like that) and it was very middle of the road. Some stuff to like (chocolate, black peppercorn crackers) and some stuff we’ll never touch (english tea) along with CVB propaganda stuff like a X-mas ornament, a mug, a clippy magnet thing and stuff like that.

I do think it’s fun to dig through a gift basket and see what’s there. Here’s to many more this season.

Pocketful of Dough

Increasingly, I was struck by how much impact the experience was having on me. Surmounting this challenge night after night was actually giving me a certain self-assurance, a feeling of having grown up. Some might find this disillusioning: “You mean life is not first-come, first-served?”

Fun Fact: We haven’t owned a grill in almost 7 years.

The sick part is that Jamie really loves grilled food. Just one of those things that kept getting pushed to the side and next thing you know, you’ve gone 7 years without buying a grill. Whatever.

So we head out on Friday afternoon to find a grill.

Yep.

The Friday before Memorial day.

To buy a Grill.

Needless to say, everbody was out of stock. All that anyone had were the $100 el-cheapos or the $1000 I-don’t-think-sos.

I threw in the towel around 7pm, but Jamie called a friend and went back on the hunt.

She arrived with an unassembled grill just before 9pm.

Knowing that Saturday was going to be an all-day trip to Kings Island and that she wanted to be grilling on Sunday, I got to work. It was surprisingly easy. I put it together in the middle of the living room. VH1 Classic was doing a Heavy Metal Memorial Day Weekend, so I turned that on and listened to/watched Motley Crue’s Carnival of Sins show (the same tour we saw in Cleveland in 2005) and wrestled with the worst instructions ever as I pieced the thing together.

On Saturday we went to Kings Island. We arrived a little before noon which seems to be customary for us and knew we’d be spending the day. The park had all kinds of stuff going on and even though we broke the first ruler of amusement park visiting (don’t go on a Saturday) we still had fun barely riding and doing all the extra stuff they had going on (checking out the Clown Band, wasting time in front of the Kings Island Theatre with the retro thing they had going on there, seeing the live bands in Action Zone, witnessing the Robbie Knievel jump, hanging out for the badass fireworks) – just wasting a day at the amusement park.

We got home around midnight with a craving for Pizza. The only ones still delivering was Dominos. I ate Pizza and crashed…hard.

Sunday morning we headed to Dorothy Lane to score some meat for the grill. This was only our 4th or 5th time there. It’s a really neat place and has quality fucking food, but there’s a level of snobbery or pretentiousness that I don’t feel comfortable with.

We snagged some big fat steaks (a porterhouse and two sirloins), 4 of their gourmet hamburgers (a Greek, a Black and Bleu, a Turkey Ranch and a Bacon Cheddar) and some Chicken Drumsticks for the kids. I also grabbed some California Roll because it was fresh. We kept it around $70.

Then we hit Meijer and stocked up on the rest, hot dogs, chips, sparklers, bubbles for the kids – the good stuff.

We did the hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill. Good stuff. There were all kinds of kids from the neighborhood out playing for a change and it just felt like a warm spring holiday evening. After it got dark we became the sparkler pushers and blew through 6 packages of sparklers quicker than I thought we would. Kids came from all over to play with the sparklers. I wish I would have gotten some pictures because I haven’t seen that many kids hanging out and playing together since we moved here. In fact, I don’t think that many kids even live nearby. But I still had fun lighting them for everyone while Jamie handed them out – we had an assembly line thing going.

The kids had friends sleep over and they all disappeared upstairs and before too long it got quieter and quieter as they dozed off.

We used the night for out Tri-annual Desperate Housewives viewing. Yes, I watch Desperate Housewives – fuck you for asking.

What we do is DVR the episodes and then watch them in batches – usually after each sweeps period. It makes for a fun night of TV and rather than wasting time in little blocks each week on such mindless entertainment, we get it out of the way in one big block…and it’s so much more fun when you don’t have to wait to see the storylines play out.

So we had all the episodes since the writer’s strike ended to catch up on. 7 hours of Housewives can be done in 5 when you can skip the commercials and such. We started at 10pm and were done around 3am.

They ended the season with a flash-foward thing like Lost has been doing. Not sure if I dig it or not.

Monday was a lazy ass day for me. I slept in WAY too late and by the time I crawled downstairs, the kids were raring to go and everyone was on their way out the door to go play with a hose at the neighbors. The like to turn a hose on the trampoline and go nuts. It seriously amuses them for hours.

I said good-bye and plopped my fat ass onto the couch and vegged the afternoon away. I actually watched Rocky Balboa from start to finish.

They got back a little before 5pm and I fired up the grill. We had a friend over and I grilled up the steaks and chicken and potatoes and asparagus and it kicked ass.

We just kind of hung out for a bit and I spent the evening making sure the kids were ready for school tomorrow. (only 6 days left!)

Everyone went to bed and I got pics of the Robbie Knievel Jump online and now I’m typing this at two in the morning.

All-in-all I can’t complain.

Immediately, the little light went on in my head – I know what that is!

Just two days ago Tyler passed along a story about 8 forbidden delicacies on his blog and foie gras was one of them.

I learned somthing and was able to turn around use it in a matter of days. God bless the internet – even my evolution is more efficient now.

Morton’s was quite awesome (if not expensive – I’m trying to remember and I think this is the most we’ve ever spent on one meal) and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves at dinner. We were one of the first in for the evening with 5:30 reservations and got an awesome booth-style table that let us watch the room fill as the evening progressed. Definitely glad I got to experience the place. I did the Porterhouse and I do believe that’s the most red meat I’ve ever stuffed into myself at one sitting… no idea how big it was exactly, but I’m still feeling it. Jamie had the Prime Rib – the waiter did mention that it was 26-28 oz…so that should put the sheer size of their steaks into perspective. She didn’t even come close to finishing it.

The restaurant is on the 2nd floor of Carew Tower, which is an interesting building in it’s own right.

From there we walked the 3 or 4 blocks to Taft Theatre.

It was our first time in downtown Cincy and it was surprisingly nice. I think we just dig city-type stuff.

The theatre was an awesome old building and our seats were better than I imagined. The place a was sold out and they’d added ‘orchestra pit’ seating to try to fit more people in. I still insist that Eddie Izzard is one of the funniest people around and the show didn’t disappoint one bit. Jamie wasn’t too familiar with his stuff, but I found her laughing quite a bit. The crowd reaction was ridiculous – the volume of cheering didn’t seem possible from a 2500 seat house. Definitely see the tour if it comes to your town.

Izzard speaking about this tour:

“The heels got too high on the last two tours. Now I’ve just gone back to blokey mode, so I’ve got all this movement back which I couldn’t do before. The set is leaner, what I’m wearing is leaner and just focusing on what I’m talking about. I keep talking about God and I come to all these different conclusions. I’m talking about the whole civilization, trying strip that back, as well. The last 5,000 years we did everything. I put out my idea what we’re doing here. I think it’s all random. If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.”

The plan was to get the PC, slide by Kings Island, hope to hit the bank before it closed, score haircuts, drop off the computer and get home.

We headed out at about 20-to-4 and had to get there before 5. Naturally, it started pouring rain about 10 minutes into the trip…then we hit the Cincy area rush hour traffic. Along the way we noticed a PNC branch relatively close to our destination. We figured we had a better chance of getting back to this one rather than going to Kings Island and then hitting the one we normally stop by on Tylersville Road.

At this point I had to piss like mad and just wanted to find a place to pee. Still getting to the bank in time was more important.

We made it to pick up the PC with 15 minutes to spare and began backtracking in the increasingly intense rain and equally thickening traffic. We pulled into the bank a hair after 5pm and I thought for sure they’d be closed. They were, but they helped us anyway. PNC is cool like that.

Still no pee, but at this point I figured I’d just wait until we get to the park.

From there we hit 71 north (a route I’ve taken maybe twice in my life and never to Kings Island) and I got stuck in a traffic pattern I couldn’t break free from and was forced off the interstate one exit too soon and it was the mother of all exits – backed up, people trying to shift lanes in all directions a big truck honking and trying to scoot over. I was jacked that I got caught up in the wrong lane and even more jacked that I hadn’t pissed yet. I spotted a Speedway and as the light off the exit turned green forced my way across three lanes and whipped into the gas station.

We get out of the HHR and are hit up by a FOX19 news lady and her cameraman wanting to talk about the fucked up exit/intersections. I sort of weaseled myself out of it and Jamie into it. They talked to her for like 45 seconds and we were off.

I finally got to pee (and scored a frozen Coke). We left to find them still outside interviewing people and laughed about having to watch the news on 19 this evening. We got back on 71 and were at Kings Island in a few minutes.

How quickly can one part with $600 – in a matter of seconds! That’s how fast.

Actually, the weekday evening pass purchase/processing thing they have going on is fabulous. It was no more than 10 minutes to part with our money and leave with passes in hand. Good stuff.

We made our way back to our neck of the woods and stopped by for a couple of haircuts and got in with no wait – nice. The chick doing my hair wouldn’t shut up though. I’m not a talker and I hate how no matter who I get, they always point out that this isn’t my real hair color. Yeah, I know it’s not, lady.

After that we dropped off the computer and I hooked it all up and booted it up and everyone rejoiced because the corn was saved. (part of that sentence is true and part is not – you decide)

By then it was going on 8 and there was no way in hell any of us were cooking so we stopped by Olive Garden. The place gets a bad rap sometimes I think, but I dig their Mixed Grill and tonight was no exception.

We got home and watched the stoner dude (who I hated until last night) get booted from American Idol.

After that I flipped to the FOX 19 news. What’s their lead story? The fucked up intersection. They used two clips of Jamie. I was dying – too funny. We’ve never been at that intersection in our lives and probably never will again and she’s on TV going, “This intersections sucks. We almost got taken out by a truck. They need to do something about it.”

Then we watched a little of an Eddie Izzard DVD (getting psyched for Friday’s show) and I played Mario Kart for a while…and now I’m typing this.

I should probably go to bed.