Oh, he likes to build hybrid human/mechanical cyborg demon dragon-beasts from hell that only Ninjas of Death can subdue and ride.

But your son’s little truck is nice, I suppose.

He killed the deer or made it himself or butchered the meat or some combination of the above. All I know is that it’s the best shit on Earth. I’m pretty sure it’s a pretty even cocaine/venison blend for three reasons:

1. I can’t quit eating it.
2. My gums go numb when I eat it.
3. I haven’t slept for 4 days.

Good stuff.

For the record, 80′s hair band White Lion had Vito power.

Her hands make the vagina and she’s wearing a pearl necklace to boot.

I find this way more interesting than it really is. It’s funny on the surface and yet there’s something profound about photos of people at the exact moment of being startled or scared.

The old lights were brass (we’re still trying to de-brass-ify the house), old, tarnished, cheap and – even though they measured 18 inches tall – too small for the front of the house:

The new lights are not brass, old, tarnished nor cheap and they measure almost 30 inches tall – a much better fit for the house and the direction we’re going with things:

But now, with brass accents and trim, the front door doesn’t match…

Let me try to sum up our feelings – we were disappointed and enoyed it at the same time. That’s the parental view. My daughter couldn’t have cared less either way. My son had a pretty good time.

It felt a little too much like we paid $20 a ticket to play with someone else’s Lego collection. I think I expected less “here you go, have at it” and more “look at this, here’s how this works, try this” from things. It seemed like too many of the areas were just “build something here” stations presented in different ways. For instance:

- There were Monochromatic Group Build areas. A neat idea. Tons of 2×4 bricks in one color for you to get creative on – by yourself and with others. Particularly notable creations got placed on pedastals and dispalyed for the duration of the session. Neat enough. Except that there were four of these areas (one pink, one green, one blue and one yellow). On top of that there was a Target-sponsored area that was essentially the same thing with red bricks and the added twist that you were designing a structure for the Target dog (whatever its name is – spot?). So five of the activity areas were building something with one color and one size of brick.

- There were a couple of different areas that were essentially the same ‘free-build’ areas presented under different pemises. Creation Nation took your creation and placed in on a large, blank floor map of the USA, creating a sort of skyline from the things the kids built. The Lego Construction Zone was the same thing, expect instead of a on a map, your creation was placed in one of several glass display cases where it stayed until more room was needed. The Big Brick Pile was just a big-ass pile of legos that kids were climbing on and throwing at each other. A neat idea on paper, but just a bunch of Lego bricks to dick around with in reality. Two large areas were also taken up by Duplo Build Areas where younger kids could fuck around with the oversized baby version of Lego bricks. The Mystery Mural Build let you take a small, numbered tile place colored 1×1′s in a predetermined patter on it and then place it on a big lego wall that, when finished, created a 2D mural of a city skyline with a nod or two to Pittsburgh tossed in. The Race Ramps was more of the same but with wheel pieces. There were some small ramps set up so you could race with friends or family or whatever, but nothing organized. Mostly kids whipping he cars down the ramp to crash and break them.

- The Model Museum and Brickscapes were essentially the same thing – cool Lego creations you could look at and take photos of. The Brickscapes were in glass display cases and often little “Eye Spy” things you could try to find. The Model Museum was just a small collection of those bigger statue-like creations…and even then, it turns out those are hollow with steel skeltons. They also has an “Adult Fans Of Lego” area where bonafide grown-ups were showing off creations. Simultaneously interesting and horrifying.

- Lego Games was exactly what it sounds like – sign up and wait 10 or 15 minutes to play one of the Lego games they sell. Lego Universe? Same thing. Wait in line for 20 minutes and sample the Lego Universe online game. The Video Game Gallery consisted of two (yes two!) kiosks. One had Lego Rock Band 2 set up to try (one game) and the other had three DS units attached running the Ninjago DS game. That’s right. A total of four kids at any given time could be checking out the video games.

- The Lego Retail Store and the Lego Marketplace were exactly what they sound like – chances to spend money. The catch was that the Marketplace had next to nothing beyond what looked like a small collection of the least popular licensed Lego items – watches, bracelets, shirts in odd sizes and a Bissel Brick Sweeper thing. Looked like a non-powered push vaccum to me. The Retail Store had nothing you couldn’t find in any Wal-Mart, Target or Toys R Us…and it had a 20-to-30 minute line the entire time. People were waiting a half hour to buy Lego sets that they can get anywhere.

- There were also some areas with local groups trying to sell you something – Boy Scouts, Radio Stations, Schools, the Pirates, whatever. There were raffles and Legoland info with a Legoland trip giveaway too.

- The best parts (and what I expected more of) were the areas with actual Lego builders interacting with the kids. The Master Builder Academy was a chance to get hands-on with the MBA product (yes, a sell, but…) and have a Master Builder there to answer questions and help out and stuff. The catch was that there was a limited number of classes. We got in line to sign up within 10 minutes of entering, waited 15 minutes and got one of the last spots of the day. The Activity Area also has a Master Builder on hand with various group activities and games going on. It felt a little unstructured, but was fun. There were also supposed to be Master Builders there with live Demonstrations, but we either missed them or they weren’t very prominent (I suspect the latter).

And that was it. The place really started clearing out about halfway through. We left about 45 minute or an hour early and felt like we were stretching to make it that long. As I said, I expected less “here you go, have at it” and more “look at this, here’s how this works, try this” – the Builders are fucking Rock Stars to these kids. There should have been more opportunity to see, hear and talk to them and less piles of Legos lying around for you to dick with presented as something more than Legos lying there to dick with. Set up little clinic areas. Set up a small stage and chairs and let these guys talk to groups all day. Let them give tips, answer questions and get the kids excited about the product and the possibilities. That’s where this thing really missed the boat to us.

With all of that said, I’d still give the experience a positive review. Definitely go and check it out. The price is right and you can blow a few hours surrounded by all things Lego. On the same note, I wouldn’t go again unless I knew there were major changes made. There’d really be no reason to.

Not sure how it’s possible to think of something positively, but also be able to say it was disappointing. Somehow Lego pulled it off.

She says she’s going to double her count again next year and walk away with four. She’s predicting to get both the Language Arts and Oustanding Academic Achievement awards again, but plans to add the President’s Award for Educational Excellence and the Superior Academic Achievement Award. Last year only 13 kids got the Superior Award. This year it was 16. She’s 2/3rds of the way there.

Also, speaking of honors, I honorably and completely mangled the lawn mower blade today. There was a stump in the yard that jumped out of nowhere and right into my path in such a way that I hit it with great force and with complete contact. I thought I killed the lawn mower…or a small puppy. Was easy enough to go to Lowe’s and score a new one, slap it on and finish the yard, so I’ll consider it life experience.

Hit it so hard that it tore the stump out completely. So much for paying someone to bring a stump grinder out. These blades are $16 each. I could probably mangle a few and clear the yard of stumps myself on the cheap. Hmmmm.