Archive for category ridiculous

Bad Pick-Up Line

I’m married, so I don’t need the pick-up line, but I wonder if it’d get me laid:

“The weatherman isn’t calling for snow, but I see 6 inches coming your way tonight.”

(for the record, I picked “six” for the cadence of the sentence, a two syllable “seven” doesn’t flow as correctly and “eight” just sounds like drunken bragging – better to underpromise and overdeliver)

Soup Scenario

I was eating a bowl of soup and I got caught between a swallow and a sneeze. I almost choked to death and soup came out of my nose at intergalactic speed.

Ok. That didn’t really happen, but I did just eat a bowl of soup and considered the swallow/sneeze scenario while doing so. Close enough, right?

Every Piss Begins With Pee

Come on! That title is every bit as witty as “Every Kiss Begins With Kay”

This commercial kills me on so many levels:


(link)

Puh-leeeze! If you’re smooth enough to just happen to have planned to give your lady jewelry in a cabin during a storm and were aware enough to have it in hand knowing your woman is a scared little bitch who jumps and whimpers at the sight of lightning and also have the presence of mind to deliver the line “I’m here and I always will be” while handing over said jewelry to aforementioned scared bitch then you’re a better man than I.

Fuck that commercial. Is there anyone…anyone…out there who watches that and feels warm and fuzzy instead of annoyed and maybe a little homicidal? And if so, what the fuck is wired wrong inside of you? The commercial is the height of absurdity.

Arrrrgh!