Lord Gonchar » ridiculous

Losing You

Lord Gonchar — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 17:46:59 +0000

Holy crap. This is great for so many reasons. It’s just a bonus that it’ll be stuck in my head and I get to sing it all day long.

I don’t wanna lose you tonight
You’re the only thing that matters
I don’t wanna lose you this way
Just need your love

No. This video is the only thing that matters.

It’s 100% True

Lord Gonchar — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 19:39:37 +0000

I started putting together my autobiography today.

The working title is The Undersea Adventures Of Captain Mandingo.

Creepy Statue No More

Lord Gonchar — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 16:07:14 +0000

One of the first posts on this blog was about the big stupid Jesus statue along I-75. Ove the past few years it’s really become an icon of our trips down 75. My kids use it to judge how close we are to Kings Island. Before PNC took over National City, we had to drive to the Tylersville exit to the nearest PNC if we needed to do banking in person for some reason. For all of those trips, the creepy statue was a indicator that I was getting close…making headway on my journey to the bank.

Well, last night either mother nature or God himself finally had enough:

(photo from the Dayton Daily News – Rick Graham)

There’s an entire article about it here (you may need to register). I also read a follow-up that says they plan to rebuild. Bigger and creepier, I’m sure.

Here’s to you, creepy statue.

Houseguest

Lord Gonchar — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 05:36:33 +0000

I can’t believe I forgot to post this on Saturday. We (and by we, I mean my wife) found this guy in the one bathroom vanity just waiting for an unsuspecting child to eat. I was promptly awakened from my early morning slumber and instructed to remove our unwanted guest. I winced like a girl, scooped him up and stuck him on the curb near the neighbors mailbox and went back to sleep.

It was honestly the biggest spider I’ve ever seen that wasn’t in a zoo setting or someone’s pet. I think at one point it barked at me – or roared or growled or something.

The Big Butt Book

Lord Gonchar — Fri, 07 May 2010 15:10:58 +0000

I need this.

(be sure to click and check it out)

I’m Not Gonna Lie, Kids, I Love Playing My Tuba

Lord Gonchar — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 06:33:27 +0000

Caught this on TV earlier by accident. It may be one of the funniest things ever in the history of everything. My daughter and I cracked each other up all night long with it and I’m laughing again just posting it here.

“I’m not gonna lie. I was playing my tuba and this cobra man started dancing around.” – holy fucking hilarious.

I just wish I could find a decent quality version of it. Who the hell records their TV with a camcorder anyway?

Who? Who? Who?

Lord Gonchar — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 07:44:36 +0000

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

(link)

Bad Pick-Up Line

Lord Gonchar — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 19:29:13 +0000

I’m married, so I don’t need the pick-up line, but I wonder if it’d get me laid:

“The weatherman isn’t calling for snow, but I see 6 inches coming your way tonight.”

(for the record, I picked “six” for the cadence of the sentence, a two syllable “seven” doesn’t flow as correctly and “eight” just sounds like drunken bragging – better to underpromise and overdeliver)

Soup Scenario

Lord Gonchar — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 19:01:05 +0000

I was eating a bowl of soup and I got caught between a swallow and a sneeze. I almost choked to death and soup came out of my nose at intergalactic speed.

Ok. That didn’t really happen, but I did just eat a bowl of soup and considered the swallow/sneeze scenario while doing so. Close enough, right?

Every Piss Begins With Pee

Lord Gonchar — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:33:30 +0000

Come on! That title is every bit as witty as “Every Kiss Begins With Kay”

This commercial kills me on so many levels:

(link)

Puh-leeeze! If you’re smooth enough to just happen to have planned to give your lady jewelry in a cabin during a storm and were aware enough to have it in hand knowing your woman is a scared little bitch who jumps and whimpers at the sight of lightning and also have the presence of mind to deliver the line “I’m here and I always will be” while handing over said jewelry to aforementioned scared bitch then you’re a better man than I.

Fuck that commercial. Is there anyone…anyone…out there who watches that and feels warm and fuzzy instead of annoyed and maybe a little homicidal? And if so, what the fuck is wired wrong inside of you? The commercial is the height of absurdity.

Arrrrgh!