At first I thought I would write a long detailed remembrance of our east coast trek, then I noticed that the weird online aversion thing that happens after extended periods away from being online is really strong this time. Like I’m finding it hard to sit in front of the computer for any period of time. Online feels really stupid right now. I go through this every time we go somewhere and I have limited online time. Couple that with the fact that my interest in parks and coasters and stuff seems to be at an all time low (and that much of my online time revolves around those things) and I just have no desire.

But I digress.

Our vacation in a nutshell:

Thursday – We drove to Hagerstown, MD. Google severely overestimates drive times both online and on the Droid navigation app. Stupid Google. Unfortunately, the weather channel doesn’t overestimate temperatures and it did apporach three digits for most of the week. Stupid weather.

Friday – Washington D.C. isn’t much fun in the heat. The Hilton Garden Inn Arlington isn’t nearly as good as the online reviews would lead you to believe. Stupid Hilton Garden Inn.

Saturday – Washington D.C. is actually kind of boring. Stupid Washington D.C. The thai food I got for dinner was simultaneously delicious and replusive. I want more.

Sunday – Ocean City was fun for all the wrong reasons. The Bay Bridge is terrifying. Stupid Bay Bridge.

Monday – Six Flags America doesn’t deserve the reputation it has. Stupid coaster enthusiasts. Second best park of this trip.

Tuesday – Kings Dominion resonates with the same ‘meh’ tone that Kings Island does for us. Intimidator 305 was a big disappointment. Stupid I305. We cut out relatively early to eat steak in Williamsburg.

Wednesday – Busch Gardens crushed it. The coaster tour was awesome except for missing the Alpengeist ERT. Stupid Alpengeist. The food at Das Festhaus was equally awesome. Nice day at a nice park.

Thursday – Long drive to Charlotte. I actually like driving vacations – good times. Wouldn’t trade the memories for the convenience of flying much of the time. 4 tickets for Toy Story 3 IMAX 3D, 4 medium drinks and 2 large popcorns retail for $99.50. It cost just $20 more for tickets and unlimited drinks at Six Flags earlier in the week. Stupid movie prices.

Friday – Carowinds fail. Cedar Fair really is light years behind other park chains in so many areas. Stupid Cedar Fair. We were gone by 4pm. (where the thermometer in the car read 110 when I started it to leave)

Saturday – Drove home. Hit ridiculous and unnecessary traffic on I-77. Stupid tourists. Highlight of the trip? Our stop in Chelyan, WV. I hate to use something as easy as the banjo joke, but I really do think I heard banjos…and I think one guy told me my mouth “sure was purty.” That and I was kidnapped and tortured 70′s horror movie style by an bizarre family of hill people. Luckily I escaped to write this blog entry. Stupid blog.

(I was going to add some photos, but two days later I still haven’t gotten around to looking at them, so no photos – maybe I’ll add them later…or to Facebook)

Just one look at this countdown traffic light and you know it’s a great idea. A progress bar on a stop light? We’re on board with that. Besides alleviating frustration, designer Damjan Stankovi? sees his idea saving energy…

(more)

In two years I put 17,180 miles on it – which is a bit lower than the standard 1000 miles per month thing that seems to get thrown about a lot.

But that includes amusement park trips. If we had used the Nissan for those drives I’d be under 12,000. (yes, we’ve driven over 5000 miles to amusement parks in the past two years…even sicker considering the only 2009 trip drives have been a handful of jaunts to Kings Island)

And this is more of a stretch, but if I also knocked off the 5 drives back home, I get a number that’s under 9,000.

Meh, whatever. I could rationalize it down to zero if I had to.

The point is, I’ve had the HHR for two years now. At this point, I’m pleased with my purchase.

(and yes, I said, “jaunts” – fuck you for noticing)

I’ve ridden the latter too many times in too many places for it to still be something I anticipate. Hell, I’ve only ridden Diamondback once since the media day marathon. It’s fun and all, but I just dont care. Same thing at Carowinds. The ride will be fun, no doubt, but I’ve floated over hill after hill (in all of its subtle variations) plenty of times. I prefer the dynamics of the Intamin rides better and the low layout looks fast and crazy.

Virginia, FTW!

We got to the hotel and met up and said a few hellos before going back to our room and deciding we were hungry. The only things open and close were a Wendy’s drive-thru, IHOP and Denny’s. We opted for Denny’s and were the only ones in the place with the exception of our 75 year-old waitress (not a guess, she told us at one point), the cook and a dishwasher/busboy. Standard Denny’s fare. Back to the room and we crashed after a long Wednesday.

On Thursday we were up bright and early. With so many places we’d be stopping by due to various wedding activities each goody bag had directions included, but I don’t like directions unless I do them myself. My years of traveling by car have honed my instinct for going the right way to an uncanny degree and my almost-supernatural ability to print directions from Google and visualize (and remember) the map and directions make me a pretty efficient traveler. I know it’s a total throwback in the day of low-cost GPS everywhere you go, but even on the cheap, I wouldn’t use it enough to justify the cost. The few times I have needed it, I’ve used the verizon Navigator thingy on my phone…and in all these years still haven’t even come close to paying for a cheap GPS unit – let alone a decent one.

With that said, I decided to live and die by the VZ Navigator app. It’d only be about $10 and it just might make our time in Florida a little more interesting. We wanted to start by swinging by their (Rebecca & Jeff’s) new house so I punched in the address and soon the phone lady (as I referred to the GPS voice the entire trip) was leading the way. She got us there problem free. But that’s when we realized they lived in a gated community and hadn’t yet informed the folks manning the gate that they’d be having guests over the course of the next few days. We were denied and couldn’t get ahold of anyone to tell the bitch at the gate to let us in, so we decided to blow some time elsewhere. I asked the phone lady where we might find a nearby mall and she led us right to the Mall at Wellington Green where we blew a little bit of time and finally got in touch with the soon-to-be-weds and got access to the community.

After a little while at their new house – which was pretty nice, but the whole gated community, subdivision thing done Florida-style really wasn’t my thing…at all – we headed back to the hotel and picked up a bag of clothes and stuff and headed to my brother-in-law’s where my kids would be spending the night. The phone lady got us to their home in Boynton Beach flawlessly and after a short visit we zipped back to the hotel and changed. It was back to Rebecca & Jeph’s for the bridal shower. Yes, I was invited being as I’ve always been one of the girls and because of my mad camera skillz. I hung with the ladies and turned on the charm (I’m quite a charmer) and the evening flew by as the ladies did the stupid things ladies at a bridal shower do and I hung back taking photos and sampling all the sweet eats…multiple times. After the crowd dispersed, the house was left with a mix of good friends both male and female. After calling it a night we headed back to the hotel and enjoyed ourselves by deciding to indulge and each take one of the double beds for the night. Yeah, we’re crazy like that. Not sure if we’re just old, been married to long or our relationship is just that damn healthy (hint: it’s the latter), but it was really nice to stretch out diagonally, get the comfy leg position going and just sleep in an overly air conditioned room.

We had to be up bright and early on Friday to retrieve the kids (it was a workday afterall) and decide that since we were getting up we might as well make the most of our day before meeting the group again for a pre-wedding barbeque at the house. I definitely wanted to swing by Boomers and Uncle Bernie’s and snag some photos (it’s all about the benjamins) since we hadn’t been there in 5 years. Actually the last time were were in the area was for another wedding in 2004 – my wife’s brother’s wedding. Yes, the same brother (and wife) who took the kids for the evening. Back in 2004 we toyed with the idea of making our triumphant return to South Beach but never did. (when my then future-wife and I first met we took off to Miami together after only knowing each other a few months and actually lived on South Beach back when it was first making a comback as a hot spot) So this time we figured we’d probably have no reason to ever come back so we might as well go do the nostalgia thing while we had the chance.

Phone lady got me to South Beach and once we got off I-95 I immediately flashed back and knew my way around like we had never left. I got us down near the convention center (our apartment was across the street) and we both proclaimed at the same time, “The Hand!”

The Hand (see last entry) is actually a Holocaust Memorial, but we always called it The Hand because it’s a big fucking hand statue. Back when I was a kid with nothing better to do but hang out and waste time on South Beach with no money or car or food or anything, I would hang out at the hand. What can I say? I mean no disrespect to those who suffered or to their memories – it is what it is. (or what it was)

There was this little pathway that was practically hidden that followed a stinky canal right from the hand to 20th street next to the convention center (right across the street from our place) so we parked right down the street from the hand and popped a few quarters in the meter. I had a total nostalgia moment – kind of like one of those old, good memories coming to life before your very eyes. I was very pleased to be visiting the hand again. My kids were like, “WTF is this?” but I smiled a little on the outside and a whole lot on the inside.

We took the path in the unbearable heat… I’ve forgotten to mention the heat up to this point. For the record it’s unbearably hot in South Florida in August around the clock, 24/7, all the time and everywhere. Florida sucks, it smells, it’s scummy, it’s weird and people beg you for money at every intersection. Florida should go away.

Anyway, we took the path to the old apartment and found the building boarded up and fenced off (complete with razor wire). It was bittersweet. The place was pretty nasty 15 years ago and I can only imagine what time had done to it, but it was ugly. My hopes of walking into the ‘courtyard’ area and to the back of the building on the left and up the stairs to apartment 12A were dashed. Still I smiled a little more inside and I know my wife did too. I risked life and limb and raised my camer over the razor wire and snapped a quick pic and we decided we needed to get the fuck out of the heat. We went back to the car and did a little tour of the area seeing what had changed and what was still the same.

After our trip down memory lane, Phone Lady took us north to Boomers where the arcade had people, but the rides outside were a ghost town. I paid $14 and change for myself and the kids to take a spin on the Hurricane. Still great airtime, but it was a lot rougher than I remember it being in 2004. I wanted to take pics and I did, but nothing great when rides are just sitting there empty. A few kids did happen to ride the Hurricane right when I was standing there along the road ready to leave so I got 3 quick shots.

We zipped over to the Swap Shop and Uncle Bernie’s with no intentions to do anything but grab some quick photos and get the hell out. The place was WAY nastier than I remember and the crowd was suspect at best. Not a soul to be found in the park, but I took some shots of the empty rides and we got the fuck out of Dodge.

We got back to the hotel and were beat after our early morning and long day in the sun. But it was time for quick showers, wardrobe changes and off to the BBQ. Again a good time with good food, but we slipped out early and crashed hard back at the hotel.

On Saturday our plan was to spend the late morning/early afternoon at the brother-in-law’s for a lunch date of sorts before swing back and getting ready for the wedding (again, I was asked to play unofficial photographer) and we wanted to show up early. Phone lady got us to the venue without a hitch (Thank you, Phone Lady.) and we made our way through the manned gate (what is with all the gated things?) with no problem.

Again I spent time with the girls as they prepared for the ceremony. I took exclusive, behind-the-scenes photos. The wedding was nice and the reception was banging (for lack of a better, more accurately descrptive term) and a good time was had by all.

Sorry for the lack of detail, but it was a wedding. You know what happens and even if you’re curious, I lack the skills to give a play-by-play of two people exchanging vows. The couple was disgustingly attractive and our little Rebecca (we’ve known her almost 13 years – since she was 19 – and you may have seen me refer to her place in our lives as my second wife and our third child in previous blog posts) is officially all grown up. *sniff*

We were up bright and early on Sunday as our flight left around 11am and we had to pack, drive, ditch the car, check in, etc. The flight was full of idiots, but the pilot did the trip in record time getting us to the gate almost a full 30 minutes ahead of schedule. AirTran is cool like that. I dozen on and off with the sounds of channel 41 – Hair Nation in my head and we were on the ground and back home before I knew it. The temperature in Ohio during the afternoon was approximately 25 degrees cooler than the ‘real feel’ temperature in West Plam at 3am the night before…did I mention that Florida blows?

For the record, the GPS thing won me over, but I still don’t see the need beyond the occasional use on the phone. I generally know where I’m going…even when I don’t.

Taken last week at the Holocaust Memorial in Miami Beach – a place I used to hang out at when I was young and dumb and amused by things that seemed creepy (1992).

We were there already for our Disney trip in February. We were supposed to be there for Jeff’s wedding In April. And now we’re using our unused plane tickets to Ft. Meyers for Jeff’s wedding to get to another wedding in West Palm Beach. (so in a weird sort of way that kinda worked out for us, I suppose)

So as I prepare to head back to The Sunshine State tomorrow, I’m left wondering why I keep getting pulled back to such a horrible place.

I’ve got nothing else. Just wanted to mention I hate Florida and for some reason, always end up there.

Then I got home and we drove back down in the evening to process our passes.

Tomorrow morning (in a few hours, actually) we’re getting up and going back down because my tales of Diamondback goodness convinced the family they need to ride it now…not later.

I’m getting my fill this weekend.

Last night (Thursday) a little after 11pm we get a call from the girl who’s going to be keeping our kids (and our house) for the weekend. Appaprently earlier in the evening her father had a stroke or heart attack or some fucked up shit and collapsed. She apologized, briefly explained she had to head out (she’s from the Cleveland area) to be with her family.

Our flight to FL was schedule to depart Friday at 12:51pm. Give the 30 minute drive and need to arrive early at the slow-ass Dayton airport and we needed to be out of here at 11am at the latest. So we’re talking 12 hours notice.

On top of this she’s one of my wife’s managers at work and was kind of going to be the go-to person for her this weekend if anything needed done.

It was too late to call around and talk to anyone and now my wife had to be at the hotel in the morning to figure out coverage for the weekend.

Long story short – we don’t know very many people around here well enough to leave our kids for the weekend. It’s a short list and it’s a hell of a thing to ask someone with 4 hours notice if they can take your kids for the weekend.

No one was able to in the morning but we had an ‘after work’ offer. So we started looking into changing flights. Let’s just say the Dayton-anywhere in Florida thing is awfully fucking popular right now. No surprise though as the kids are in the middle of spring break in our school district.

AirTran is pretty cool about switching up flights at nominal fees, but you do have to pay the different in available fares. Most flights are sold out and what’s left only has the highest fares or business class available. We tried a bunch of different airports in South Florida and anything that would get us there by wedding time, but the costs are just outrageous.

I love you lots, Jeff and Diana, but we were looking at a total final cost of almost $600 each to fly down in time. It just wasn’t going to happen. I see have rental car and hotel booking that weren’t canceled within the allowable time frame to avaoid a change to deal with too.

For future reference, if any family members of friends of ours want to die or toy with death, please do it on your own time and not ours?

I’m not trying to make light of the situation and I do hope the girl’s father is ok (we still haven’t heard anything), but I’m royally jacked…and then on top of that I feel like an ass for telling Jeff and Diana we’d be there and not delivering. Shit like that pisses me off.

No party on a boat for me this time. Shit luck doesn’t come my way often, but when a situation plays out in my world, it’s usually fuckered up and huge.

Sigh. Sorry, guys. :(

Forgot to lock the focus and left autofocus on. Stupid Sony autofocus searches too much in low light. Also would have brightened it a bit in hindsight but decided to leave it as is.