Lord Gonchar » yikes

Let It Go

Lord Gonchar — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 05:19:07 +0000

Western PA, I love you, but yinz gotta get over the Steelers. Seriously, it’s fucking July. Just like 2 or 3 months out of the year, wear something without the logo, take the sign out of the front window (or front yard), pull the decal from the truck.

It’s ok, they’ll still be there this fall and they’ll still kick ass.

(I identify a little less with ‘home’ every time we go back)

Pray and Drink

Lord Gonchar — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 06:34:57 +0000

No matter the situation, my mother-in-law’s advice is either to pray or to drink.

My mother-in-law is an idiot.

Losing You

Lord Gonchar — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 17:46:59 +0000

Holy crap. This is great for so many reasons. It’s just a bonus that it’ll be stuck in my head and I get to sing it all day long.

I don’t wanna lose you tonight
You’re the only thing that matters
I don’t wanna lose you this way
Just need your love

No. This video is the only thing that matters.

It’s 100% True

Lord Gonchar — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 19:39:37 +0000

I started putting together my autobiography today.

The working title is The Undersea Adventures Of Captain Mandingo.

Creepy Statue No More

Lord Gonchar — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 16:07:14 +0000

One of the first posts on this blog was about the big stupid Jesus statue along I-75. Ove the past few years it’s really become an icon of our trips down 75. My kids use it to judge how close we are to Kings Island. Before PNC took over National City, we had to drive to the Tylersville exit to the nearest PNC if we needed to do banking in person for some reason. For all of those trips, the creepy statue was a indicator that I was getting close…making headway on my journey to the bank.

Well, last night either mother nature or God himself finally had enough:

(photo from the Dayton Daily News – Rick Graham)

There’s an entire article about it here (you may need to register). I also read a follow-up that says they plan to rebuild. Bigger and creepier, I’m sure.

Here’s to you, creepy statue.

Houseguest

Lord Gonchar — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 05:36:33 +0000

I can’t believe I forgot to post this on Saturday. We (and by we, I mean my wife) found this guy in the one bathroom vanity just waiting for an unsuspecting child to eat. I was promptly awakened from my early morning slumber and instructed to remove our unwanted guest. I winced like a girl, scooped him up and stuck him on the curb near the neighbors mailbox and went back to sleep.

It was honestly the biggest spider I’ve ever seen that wasn’t in a zoo setting or someone’s pet. I think at one point it barked at me – or roared or growled or something.

The Big Butt Book

Lord Gonchar — Fri, 07 May 2010 15:10:58 +0000

I need this.

(be sure to click and check it out)

I’m Not Gonna Lie, Kids, I Love Playing My Tuba

Lord Gonchar — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 06:33:27 +0000

Caught this on TV earlier by accident. It may be one of the funniest things ever in the history of everything. My daughter and I cracked each other up all night long with it and I’m laughing again just posting it here.

“I’m not gonna lie. I was playing my tuba and this cobra man started dancing around.” – holy fucking hilarious.

I just wish I could find a decent quality version of it. Who the hell records their TV with a camcorder anyway?

Allergies

Lord Gonchar — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 07:08:26 +0000

I’ve had mild allergies my entire life. Back when I was a kid, I got weekly allergy shots for most of my childhood. I’m not even sure they treat that way anymore.

As an adult I never really had to keep up with any real treatment. Not too much bugged me on a major level – mostly dogs and cats and little else. If I pet a dog or cat I tend to get itchy skin where I touch it. God forbid I touch my nose or my eyes without washing my hand. It’s odd because I never had that serious of a reaction until the past decade or so. But beyond that, nothing really.

So yeah, nothing too major for most of my life.

Then I moved to Ohio.

Not sure what the fuck is in the air around here, but I’m a fucking mess. Watery-goopy eyes. Sneezing fits, runny, itchy nose. Tickly throat. It’s gotten worse each spring we’ve been here. Last year I was convinced I had Swine Flu in my eyes. This year I’m pretty sure my entire head is full of Chlamydia. (always use protection, kids!)

I try to be proactive and self-medicate, but the best I can seem to do is lessen the effects, not get rid of them.

The funny thing is I’ve talked to no less than a half dozen people who claim to have never had allergy problem until they moved to the area. I’m convinced it’s some government experiment emanating from the Air Force base.

Fuckers!

Who? Who? Who?

Lord Gonchar — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 07:44:36 +0000

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

(link)

Weird Fetish Of The Week

Lord Gonchar — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 05:19:12 +0000

Women’s Curling – the USA team’s Nicole Joraanstad.

I could watch her sweep for hours on end. She really puts her hips into it.

Blonde girl. Sweet bouncing hips.

Ummm….yeah.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Nothing Is Real

Lord Gonchar — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 03:39:39 +0000

This is crazy stuff.
I knew this sort of thing happened and what was possible, but I guess I didn’t realize just how much it really is used.

Bad Pick-Up Line

Lord Gonchar — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 19:29:13 +0000

I’m married, so I don’t need the pick-up line, but I wonder if it’d get me laid:

“The weatherman isn’t calling for snow, but I see 6 inches coming your way tonight.”

(for the record, I picked “six” for the cadence of the sentence, a two syllable “seven” doesn’t flow as correctly and “eight” just sounds like drunken bragging – better to underpromise and overdeliver)