So 4 days ago, I have all the windows open and I hear this raspy “mee-oow” outside. I look out and there’s this shitty orange cat out there. I make a quick motion and the “pssst” noise and try to scare it away. It wouldn’t leave. It just kept meowing at me. I closed the window. A little later the window on the other side of the room (facing the back of the house) starts meowing. I go look and it’s the fucking cat again. I told it to leave me the hell alone and closed that window too.

I forgot about it and a little later reopened the windows happy to see no cat around.

Within moments….”mee-oow”

I was like, “Fuck!” So I went to the door and opened it to look out leaving the storm door closed. The thing jumped up on the porch and looked at me like, “Why aren’t you letting me in?” All the while meowing at me.

I opened the storm door to chase it away and it was ready to come in. I stopped it with my foot and gave it a decent nudge and chased it around the garage and came back inside. I thought the cat got the hint.

Later that night we’re all sitting around watching TV when suddenly, “Mee-oow.” I was pissed. It was on the deck looking in the back door and meowing at us like it wanted in. At this point my family was all into the kitty and wanted to feed it. I told them I wanted to hit it with a broom. My wife promised that if I let her and the kids feed it and it kept coming back (which anyone who knows anything about cats knew it would) that she’d personally take it to the humane society. I relented and they found some sardines in the back of the pantry and took them out with a little bowl of water. The cat turned its nose up. They petted him for a little and left the food and water out for him and came back in. My wife noted that he was declawed and very friendly. It was clearly a housecat.

About an hour later the cat was gone and the food and water untouched. We thought it was weird, but whatever. Maybe it went home.

The next day everyone was at work and school and it was still nice out. I had the windows open again sitting at my desk.

“Mee-oow”

Fuck you cat! I slammed the window. Just like the day before he went around the house and started meowing outside the back window. I closed it too. Then he moved to the deck under the big window by the table. I closed it too. I’d die of stale air before I acknowledged this damn cat. Then he moved to the back door again – meowing and acting like I should be letting him in. He eventually left and we didn’t see it the rest of the day.

Tuesday rolls around at some point I looked out the back window and saw the fucking cat just hanging on the deck. I was jacked that it wouldn’t leave and also jacked that I knew my wife worked long hours this week and would never keep her promise. I texted her that the cat was back and I wanted it fucking gone. She told me to look up info on the humane society for her. Turns out Greene County doesn’t operate and active shelter. Fu-uck!

I grabbed a broom from the garage, opened the back door and chased the fucking thing away being as aggressive as I could without hurting the cat (I’m not a douchebag, just a dick).

It bailed, but I knew it was just hiding deep under the deck. Me and the cat repeated out little dance at least a half dozen times that day. Eventually he left.

All day yesterday he seemed to stay away for the most part. I saw him briefly across the street when I left to pick up my son at school, but that was it. I figured the broom worked.

Then today – nothing. I actually forgot about it. My wife called on her way home from work and said she had someone coming over to pick up my son’s old bunk bed, so I moved it down to the garage and opened the garage door. I was inside doing some stuff and my wife arrived with the people right behind her. They loaded the bed and were bullshitting.

At this point I should mention that from out garage you enter the laundry/mudroom and then into the house. There are two doors. One from the garage into the laundry room and another from the laundry room into the house. I had laundry going and need to switch clothes over. I opened the inside door and the fucking cat is standing there looking at me, “Mee-oow.” My wife had left the outside door open and while she was talking the cat apparently slipped in.

I snapped. I shoved the cat out the door screaming, “I’m going to kill this fucking cat!” It quickly scurried under my car out of reach and I yelling at it and kicking the car and hitting it with a shoe trying to get it to run. I told my wife to get the cat the fuck out of here…now! (ok, that time I was a douchebag)

A few minutes later (presumably after she convinced the people picking up the bed that I wasn’t a psycho asshole cat killer) she came inside and said the cat was nowhere to be found.

Then about 9:30 tonight, we’re on the couch watching TV, my son is asleep on the chair and my daughter is in her bedroom doing homework so it’s relatively quiet and it’s chilly again so everything’s closed up, but I hear it again. Fucking mee-oow mee-oow mee-oow. I just looked at my wife and she knew.

But something just clicked. The whole time it had seemed weird at how persistent the cat was. It seemed to think it belonged here. It felt like the cat was trying to tell us something. I had an epiphany, if you will.

Here’s where I should mention that I’m not an animal hater. We always had pets growing up and I’m quite good with animals. Over the years I seemed to have become a bit more allergic than I used to be. I’ve always kind of felt bad that my kids never had the pets that I did. I do think it’s a good thing. The last pet we had was a dog that my wife and I got when we first met and had up until my daughter was almost two, but when we moved to Florida, we thought it best to give the dog to someone who’d take care of it as we were apartment bound. Since then, we’ve always held off (my daughter had a couple of hermit crabs 5 or 6 years ago, but that’s about it) because of a couple of things – all the travel we do makes a pet less reasonable. With a wife working long hours and kids in school, it would be my pet more than the family’s and, to be brutally honest, I didn’t want the responsibility. They’ve tried a few times over the years, but I’ve been relentless in my stubbornness.

Anyway, at that moment something clicked. This cat was so persistent – like it knew something. Like it wanted us to know. It was just weird.

I went over and looked out the door. That cat was just sitting there looking back in at me meowing. I opened the door and it even backed up anticipating my opening the storm door. He just walked in like it was nothing. He kept doing the kitty lovey thing where they do the figure eight pattern between your feet and meowing at us. My wife put down a little bowl of milk and he took a few licks and walked away. He wasn’t skittish or anything. It was like he belonged here. He looked around a little, but mostly kept hanging with us and meowing and giving love. The weird thing is it behaved like it understood – more like you’d expect a dog too than a cat. Like it went out in the entryway and looked like it wanted to go upstairs and I snapped my fingers and told it to get back here and it came. Lots of weird little traits that cats don’t generally have. We figured it was hungry so my wife put on her shoes and said she’d be back.

I spent a few minutes with the cat, petting it. Asking it what it was trying to tell me. Asking it why it thought it lived here. Wondering what force of fate brought it here. I also discovered that I’m 99% sure he was a she. I started thinking maybe she had kittens somewhere. She went back to the door and looked…I opened it and asked if she wanted to leave. She inched closer and felt the cold and turned back inside.

My wife shows up with a bag of dry food and (conveniently) a bag of kitty litter. The cat went nuts at just the sound of the cat food bag. We poured her a bowl and she ate. Then we let her explore the house a bit. I found a plastic bin and filled it with the kitty litter and showed her where it was (several times). We never really said anything.

After a bit I joked that it was like on Fight Club at the house where you have to stand outside and take crap for days before they let you in. The first rule of Kitty Club is that you don’t talk about Kitty Club.

I mentioned that we’d have to look up a vet and make an appointment to make sure she was healthy and I saw my wife smile without really smiling. We sat down on the couch again. The cat ate a little more and then came over to us. I called her up and she sat on my lap, doing happy kitty paws on my lap while I stroked her. Just petting her was making her look less raggedy, but the thing was skinny…really skinny. Soon she was purring and grooming herself on my lap. We sat for a minute and she got back up and grabbed a few more bites. My wife and I got back into TV and a little later wondered where the cat went. A short search found her curled up with my daughter in bed. Three hours later as I type this the cat is still there.

So I think I have a kitty now. Next month will be 12 years since we had a pet. I obviously want to make sure she’s healthy and I’m a little concerned about the litter box situation (a potential dealbreaker), but the fucking thing was so sure it was supposed to be here that I started believing it too. Is somebody heartbroken over their missing cat? Maybe. Maybe not. My nose is already itching and my eyes tingly.

We’ll see.