So Jeff jumped on my hatred of the question of hand over on his blog and a second conversation has started up over there (because he’s cool and gets way more traffic than I do). Just wanted to post some of the comments and my responses to them here. (and they’re posted over there as well):

Jeff:
“Gonch gets the impression that people ask him for the purpose of judging him. While I’m sure that there is a segment of the population that would in fact do this, I think it’s a minority. Some pretentious professions may be a little heavier in this area (i.e., doctors, just ask Cath), but most people aren’t like that.”

My experiences have been almost exactly the opposite. Most people are like that. I think it’s a majority.

Jeff:
“Talking about what you do, that’s a great starting point for getting to know someone. It has nothing to do with being a measure of success.”

Yeah, but my reply over on my blog explains why I think we’re talking on different levels here. I’m not exactly at a place in life where I’m meeting people to ‘get to know them’ – chit chat is chit chat, but it leads to very different places depending on the situation/intentions. In a dating or friendship setting it can open the door to other things. In professional or formal settings, it’s a quick sizing up of someone you couldn’t care less about.

Carrie:
“If someone asks me what I do for a living it tells them next to nothing about who I am. And I would be hard pressed to think of even a handful of people in my life for which what they do to make money in some way speaks to who they are.”

Exactly the point I was hoping to make. I do think a lot of people take this as a quick answer or summary, not just a jumping off point. Knowing nothing else, you’re going to form very different impressions of people based on the answer:

Brain Surgeon
Wal-Mart Stocker
Grease Monkey
Tax Auditor
Artist
Homemaker
Porn Star

I’m sure each profession conjured up a specific image complete with expectations. Hell, it does for me and I’m against the whole thing. To me it’s one of the worst solo questions to ask someone you want to know something about.

Jeff:
“But also, I think maybe some of his post felt like he had to defend himself before he was even being attacked, as if to somehow admit that what he did wasn’t good enough. And that’s so not rock-n-roll. Fuck the man, because he just wants to fuck you.”

Ouch. Denouncing the rock-n-roll cred!

You know, I was able to maintain that for most of my life, but in just the last year or three things are evolving in my life. It’s not always just about me. I came to BeastBuzz in 2004 with the wack-ass hair and two bitches in tow.

But I have kids in school now and when dad walks in with the metal mohawk, his kids get looked at differently. That’s not fair to them. It’s no coincedence that my ‘going legit’ happened right in sync with my daughter hitting first grade. Techers, PTA, extracurricular stuff – the bias existed and still exists. ‘Middle class dad’ Gonch instantly erases those stigmas for the kids.

Secondly, as my wife furthers her career there’s more and more contact with the ‘higher-ups’ of the corporate world. Yes, it’s the man. Yes, fuck the man…but, the man holds the power. Sometimes you have to play the game for your own benefit. I feel that more than ever with the corporate culture of the company she’s with now…the trade off is that our income has never been higher.

I’m playing the game for the benefit of all of us.

Tyler:
“Why do I ask people what they do? Because “Nice weather we’re having” is an even worse”

Well, second worst is better than worst, I suppose.

I’m so socially unaccepable that I’ve actually started conversations with, “Did you know Huey Lewis supposedly has a 10-inch cock?”

That’s interesting conversation fodder and a great opportunity to judge someone’s response.