Ok, just me just say it. My kids kick ass. Everybody thinks their kids are great, but most are poorly behaved dipshits. Mine aren’t.
One trend that sticks to both my kids is the compliments we get on how well behaved and reliable our children are. No matter the situation – school teachers, football coaches, band conductors, other parents – they all say the same thing about both of our kids – they’re so polite, well behaved, mature and reliable.
The thing is, it shouldn’t be exceptional to be that way, but if you look at any group of kids you’ll find that it is. Kids are idiots.
I can give you a million examples and you’ve surely seen a million yourself. Kids acting out, not following instructions or basic rules. Being dickheads, not paying attention, not doing anything remotely in the vicinity of what is supposed to be happening.
Who the fuck are these kids?
Wait. Let me reword that.
Who the fuck are my kids and what have I done to create them?
Because, make no mistake, my kids are the exception. They listen and understand. If you tell them not to fuck with that thing, they’re not going to fuck with that thing. 50% of kids will immediately fuck with that thing, 30% will eventually fuck with that thing, 19% are already fucking with something else.
My kids are part of the other 1% – those not fucking with any thing.
With school and other activities in full swing this time of year, my wife and I tend to see more kids in the wild and, quite frankly, most of them are misbehaved assholes. Why is this? Or more importantly, why aren’t mine?
I probably just cursed myself. My kids are getting older. In a few years, I’ll probably be in real trouble dealing with a teen and an almost-teen. But know that the first 8 and 13 years have been stellar. My kids have not been idiots. They’re the example pointed to for the other idiots, “Don’t be an idiot, be like Gonch’s kids.”
I wish I had some magic answer about why that is, but I don’t think I do anything extraordinary as a parent. Then again, I don’t know what other people are doing.
And yes, my kids are free-thinking, free-willed, intelligent, curious and whatever adjective you use to try to explain your kid’s severe case of assholism.
I dunno. I’ve just been seeing, hearing and reading about it too much lately and had to get it off my chest. My kids are awesome. The vast majority aren’t.